Perfect Timing


"He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things."
Psalm 103:4-5
When I was a little girl, I launched a full blown investigation to determine whether or not the Easter Bunny was real. When my mom was busy in another part of the house, I’d scour through closets and chest of drawers, desperate to find hidden clues. It was a successful mission. I still remember standing in front of her antique chifferobe, the door ajar, gazing through tear filled eyes at a stash of Easter goodies. Tears giving way to more tears and eventual, uncontrollable sobs.

Thinking back, that’s when it all started. This self-inflicted ruining of all things good by my own impatience.
I have memories of searching high and low for hidden birthday presents and Christmas presents – feeling pangs of anticipation as I searched and then pangs of disappointment when I found.
I couldn’t stand the knowing. I couldn’t stand the not knowing.
But really, thinking back, what I couldn’t stand was the waiting.

Thirty something years later, not much has changed…

Except that I am painfully aware that my tendency to yield to my own impatience is capable of ruining the present moment and the ones to come – and I’m learning [albeit slowly] to guard my heart against impatience – and trust.

Because His timing is perfect, even though I am not.

As I write this, we are all packed and primed for our big family summer vacation. We’ve all been counting down the days since Spring and truth be known, I think I’m more excited than the other three combined. For me, it’s so much more than a summer vacation. It’s both a bit of a miracle and a dream come true…

Raised by my maternal grandmother, I grew up as an only child and though my memories from childhood summers are filled with lazy, barefoot days spent next to my great-grandparents pond, it was an often lonely time. And so, I’d dream about adulthood, while piecing together a montage of my own idyllic future and family. I’d carefully trace out a perfectly symmetrical home and four smiling stick figures, a dog, a lone tree and always, sunshine and rainbows.

Truth be known, I’d dreamed about the family that I’m now a part of since I was a little girl. And it’s taken me thirty-some-odd years to realize, it’s so much more than a dream come true.

It is a gift.

One that I handled recklessly as young woman, and one that I almost ruined with my impatience in the years after that. And I find myself prodding my Heavenly Father, still so much the impatient child that can’t stand the not knowing, when instead – I need to trust that what He has for me is good.

Tonight, I packed surprise goodie bags for my kids. I wanted them to have a little treat when they wake up early in the morning to head to the airport. I was careful to keep everything hidden from their sight until they were in bed. I took time to carefully place each item in the pouch, all the while thinking of the delight that’s to come on their little faces. Oh, how my heart is for them, and for their good. I wasn’t withholding good things, but preparing them for the perfect moment -

and in that moment, I was reminded of His heart for me. For you. For us…

“So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” ~ Matthew 7:11

When we trust His heart, we trust His timing and we wait on Him: ”I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope” (Psalm 130:5).

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