in the middle of seeking

my little explorer - lookout mt. - spring 2011
"Won't he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness
and go and search for the one that is lost
until he finds it?"
Luke 15:4
It was late one night in early February of 2010. I was in the midst of the second semester of my return to college and my nights were filled with studying at my desk in my bedroom. I'd tucked the kids in earlier and Chloe, almost six at the time, had come and crawled into my bed. She was falling back to sleep as I sat reading. The house was locked up. Lights off. Peaceful. Quiet.
Silence suddenly shattered by the sound of a slamming door...
I jumped up from my chair and looked back at Chloe. Startled, she had sat straight up. "Stay here", I said. I opened my bedroom door into the unknown. Creeping, defenseless, single mother wandering off into the darkness, chasing a "noise" in the night. I could hear my heart beating. I could feel my heart beating... in my throat. I turned the corner and light was pouring through the windows. The motion-sensor flood lights mounted on the back of my home were shining brightly. Someone is outside. No. Wait, the door. Someone has been inside. I glanced at the back door. Unlocked. I ran for Parker's room. Empty. I frantically screamed his name, futilely searching under his bed, in his closet, running from room to room, morphing with each step, with each breath, from concerned mother into madwoman, I ran out the back door shouting his name into the night.
And the night called back with silence. Deafening silence...

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