out of sorts...

i have been miserably sick for days. today is my first day "back to the grind" since last wednesday. i am all out of sorts. i cannot fathom what it would be like to be chronically ill. [god forbid]. the only hope i'd have would be if said medications for said chronical illness didn't interfere with a steady diet of amphetamines. whatever internal mental and physical mechanisms i once had for "bouncing back" have obviously detioriated. there is no bounce at all. rather a slothful, sluggish sliver that is only derived from absolute necessity and would never occur at all at my own will.

i don't know who may have coined the phrase 'balancing act' to describe a woman's perceived ability to manage the affairs of a household, life, marriage, children and work outside of the home. clearly, this person was not a mother. or a woman. no. i take that back. it could've easily been one of the radical or socialist feminists who bought into and consequently, sold the theory [read: lie] that women could and should "have it all" without actually testing the hypothesis. just sayin. i'm all for gender equality and liberal feminism in terms of legal and political rights, but i'm also for [very for] the God-given physical, mental and emotional differences between men and women. and after testing out my own feministic hypothesis, i've found that i'd rather not blur divinely written lines. or.. in the words of prodigious pastor, Dr. David Platt, "..what if God really does know what He's doing?". :) love that.

anyhoo, the.. um, my... truth is, there is no equilibrium among so many facets of life. it is treading water at best. some days the current may be less torrential than others, but it never recedes. you are always in over your proverbial head. and by you, i mean me. it isn't a mere act of balancing, it is a desperate attempt to not drown.


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