I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
- Hillsong, Oceans
Once, when I was a little girl, my mom took me to the doctor for a standard check-up and it required a finger pricking. Horrified by the thought of it, I promptly began to pitch a fit, breaking loose from her first, then the nurse and then through the door - barreling down the halls of the clinic screaming bloody murder. I don't know where I thought I was running to. I was just running away from something which was ultimately for my good.
And that is a perfect parable for my life...
There are two quotes that can easily define my relationship with Christ:
"I am quite certain that, if God had not chosen me, I should never had chosen him;
and I am sure he chose me before I was born, or else he would never had chosen me afterwards..."
Charles H. Spurgeon
This one from Spurgeon is one of them and the other is this:
"The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?" ~ C.S. Lewis,Same, Lewis. Same
I've long since stopped trying to figure it out. But what I can't get over is that He just keeps on choosing me - and chasing me. I, too, felt what Lewis referred to as the "unrelenting approach" on the night I surrendered my life to Christ - and in all of these years since, even - if not especially - when I am on the run. After all, the subtitle here has always been "reflections of a runaway", because that is what I am, in my own will.
I would've chosen a different theme for myself, if I could've. Sometimes I read the words that others are led to write and find myself wishing my niche - or my narrative - were different. Tidier. More consistent. You know, something.
David Platt once said that the only thing consistent about his faith was his inconsistency. I remember breathing a sigh of relief and then immediately wondering what hope there was for the rest of us.
But, it's Christ, of course. He is our only hope. Even in the midst of our inconsistency, He still chooses us and chases us.
Because that is what the gospel is. That is what covenant is.
Sometimes, I get caught up in still trying to figure out who I am that I forget altogether whose I am.
And I lose sight of who He says that I am - a chosen runaway.
"You did not choose me, but I chose you
and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit
and that your fruit should abide..."