Thursday, September 13, 2012

freedom from the wait

"There's a place my eyes can't see, where my spirit longs to be
It's a place of healing, it's a place where I find freedom."
it wasn't long after surrendering my life to Christ that i began to feel as though He was leading me to a season of waiting.  all of us, in some way, at some point on this path, experience the longing... and the waiting.  and so, i struggled with waiting well.  sometimes, i struggled with waiting at all.  sometimes, so many times, [more times than i can count, actually] i ran ahead of Him full force, forging my own way, my own will, my own plan - desperate to conform His will to my agenda.

yes, He had saved my soul.  rescued my life from the pit.  but in so many ways, i was still the same foolish woman, the foolish builder, so desperate to create some semblance of a beautiful life, hastily constructing a beautiful facade - on sinking sands. crashing down.  again.     

the very first verse He spoke to my heart back in early 2008 was simply, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).  His very first instruction to my heart is the one that i am still struggling to trust - and obey.  because here's the thing:  i want it all planned out.  like, right now.  i am desperate to know the unknown, desperate to plan out every detail of my life.  desperate to control the outcome.  desperate to control others.  desperate to do anything other than the one thing He is calling me to do - the one thing He has continually called me to:  be. still.

stillness.  silence.  trust.  these things do not come naturally for me.  these things are difficult.  and it is usually when i've ran so fast, so furious, so very far away from Him that i grow tired.  and weary.  and He whispers words of life to my very soul when he says, "Come to Me, [you] who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."  (Mt. 11:28) and truly, as the lyrics above:  His presence is a place of healing, it's the place where i find freedom. 

yes, even freedom from the wait. 

because what if i already have that which i have been waiting for.  what if i have everything i will ever need and it's in Him and Him alone.
and what if...

"What if we ... had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have." ~ via http://gracefortheroad.com/

what if he isn't calling me to the wait, but to the stillness of psalm 46: still. in the greek, it is רפה râphâh, which means properly to cast down; to let fall; to let hang down; then, to be relaxed, slackened, especially the hands: It is also employed in the sense of not making an effort; not putting forth exertion; and then would express the idea of leaving matters with God. (Barnes Commentary)

true freedom isn't the freedom to do whatever we want to do.  it isn't the freedom to chart our own course, plan our own lives, forge our own will and way.  no, it is the freedom to ה râphâh;  it is the freedom to be still; the freedom to rest.

it is freedom from the wait. 

the freedom to fall in love with Jesus because when you do that - and the more you do that - the more you learn that "'in Him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28); that "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" (Col 1:17); that He will "supply every need according to His riches" (Phil 4:19). 

i don't want to live in the wait anymore.  and after all these years, i've just realized He isn't calling me to live in the wait.  He's simply calling me to LIVE in Him.  to find LIFE.  in Him.  the place where i find freedom.  

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
John 10:10

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