Tuesday, June 12, 2012

wordlessness

"He will give a crown of beauty for ashes..."
Isaiah 61:3


i cannot ever plan to write.  i wish i could.  i imagine that some writers sit and plan and draft and revise, spending hours if not days or weeks on a single entry.  i sit and stare at a blank screen, begging God to give me words.  for me, writing always begins with a prompting from within.  when i began this blog four years ago, i wrote: "i can actually feel a blog coming on. its not completely unlike the the preemptive sensations of a sneeze. in fact, sometimes it is exactly the same order of sensations: a sudden urgency and then the pause, perhaps a moment lost in thought, and then repeated urgency until at last, you sneeze. hard. and just like that, relief washes over you. you certainly don't go on about your day wondering if you'll ever sneeze again, but there are some days i find myself lost in mind numbing wordlessness and i wonder, "will i ever blog again?"...

four years ago, i couldn't have fathomed how the Lord would change the course of this blog, this life, this heart.  four years ago, i couldn't have known how He would use His Word to transform my own words - not to speak through me - but to speak to me.  over the years, this pages of this blog became my public prayer journal and four years later, looking back on its entries, i can see the proof of His relentless pursuit of my heart; and the proof, as Ann Voskamp beautifully writes, "that God really does use broken, messed up, and fallible lives anyways."

and days like today, where i am struck with my own wordlessness, wondering when - or even if - i'll write again, He sends the words of another writer to remind me of who i am.  to remind me of why i write.  to remind me that He truly does have flaming bushes everywhere, even in the midst of blogs.  and He is trading the ashes of my life for beauty - His glory. and in an instant, her words reverberate His chords of confirmation deep within my heart... 

"… and honestly? the only words that really matter?

Are the ones I live.

This convicts me.

I keep writing it out here everyday, the words I am seeking to live
— about this wondrously messy, everyday-holy life….

about finding the beauty and quiet,

about slowing to see the sacred in the chaos,

the Cross in the clothespin,

the flame in the bush…

Just listening – laundry, liturgy, life, — all of life, holy ground.

A holy experience — because God has flaming bushes everywhere.

It’d be pure grace to walk a bit, you and I – to live the words together…" 

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