my conversation with the Lord this morning went something like this:
I’m so afraid.
Afraid of what?
Afraid of mistaking a personal desire for a calling from you; afraid of stepping out on faith and failing; afraid of believing in your for something that may never come to pass... to name a few things.
My calling will always be for you to walk in the truth of my Word (Psalm 86:11). My word is truth. (John 17:17) My voice is the voice of truth.
But, I’m still afraid. In fact, I'm terrified...
So was Peter…
Immediately the familiar story from Matthew 14 came to my mind, or rather, my heart. Matthew 14:25-31: “Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves….
But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Do not be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”
Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
“Yes, come,” Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.
But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
*sigh* hi. my name is
nadia peter... i have prayed repeatedly over the course of the last two years such a similar prayer as peter spoke to Jesus, "Lord, if this is what you desire of me, then call me to it, confirm it in my heart"… and He does. with fresh resolve, i step out walking towards Him. i’m one, maybe two, steps in - still in arms reach of the boat - when i take my eyes off of Him just long enough to glance back.
eyes shifting from the boat, to the water, the waves and fear sets in. i hear the wind roaring, voices of others calling, i feel the waves beneath my feet, unsteady. suddenly, i’m wishing i were back in the boat with the others, i'm regretting ever having stepped out of the boat and in an instant, have forgotten why i crawled out, forgotten the One who called me out. instead, i’m remembering what a terrible swimmer i am, that i can barely doggy paddle. i’m wondering if i heard the Lord correctly, maybe the wind and the waves muffled his voice. maybe i misunderstood.
before i even realize what's happening, i begin to sink, thankful that i stayed within arm’s reach of the boat -- why? because in that moment of doubt and fear, it becomes more important for me to control my own circumstances, taking refuge in the safety and security of the boat than it does to trust in Jesus. in that moment of doubt and fear, getting back in - and staying in - the boat is what makes sense... not just to me, but to everyone around me who just watched me flailing around in the water. again.
"And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. "
i love this verse. i love it because it doesn’t say, “when peter climbed back into the boat…” Jesus wasn't still standing out in the water shaking His head in disappointment. Jesus was right beside Peter, climbing back in the boat with him...
the path to being perfected in God’s calling on our lives is not perfect. it’s paved with imperfections, with fears and with doubts. we stumble, we fall… sometimes, we sink. and when we do, the Lord remains faithful. just as he immediately grabbed hold of peter’s hand, so does he grab hold of us. He sustains us and because of that, we persevere. He asks us, not just once, but over and over again, “Will you trust me?” and "of all the voices calling out to you, will you listen to the Voice of Truth?".
Lord, help me to listen to the only truth that matters: the truth of your Word. Help me to trust in the only voice that matters, your voice of truth.
Oh what i would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat i'm in
On to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again
"boy you'll never win!
You'll never win!"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Voice of Truth Lyrics