I've often said that I have no idea how I got here, to where I am today. I only know that it was definitely not by own two feet. When others have asked what total and complete surrender really is or how one comes to that point, I am at a burdensome loss. I'm burdened because I want to take out a piece of paper and write down instructions; Burdened because there are no instructions; burdened because contemporary Christian culture has tried to water down the glory and the mystery of Christ into instructions: walk the aisle, pray the prayer, accept Jesus into your heart. not that those things are inherently wrong in and of themselves, but one can do all of those things and never truly surrender their lives and hearts to Christ. I know because I am one who did.
Brennan Manning in his latest book, The Furious Longing of God, writes:
When the night is bad and my nerves are shattered and the waves break over the sides, Infinity speaks. God Almighty shares through His Son the depth of His feelings for me, His love flashes into my soul, and I am overtaken by mystery. These are moments of kairos — the decisive in-break of God’s fury into my personal life’s story.
It is then I face a momentous decision.
Shivering in the rags of my seventy-four years, I have two choices. I can escape below into skepticism and intellectualism, hanging on for dear life. Or, with radical amazement, I can stay on deck and boldly stand in surrendered faith to the truth of my belovedness, caught up in the reckless raging fury that they call the love of God. And learn to pray. (pp. 130-131)
He picked me up and carried me to the place I had always belonged. There was only one way to cross the chasm between who I was and who He was calling me to become - and that was in His arms.
I couldn't follow Him until He'd brought me to the other side. He delivers us to our own earthly "promised land" where our theology meets our reality and the one thing I've learned is that we can't purchase our own ticket or walk their with our own feet. He carries us.
Let Him carry you.