Friday, October 2, 2009

my everything.

"Your righteousness reaches to the skies,
O God, you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?"
Psalm 71:19

i woke up this morning and peeked out the window, it was still completely dark. so dark, i couldn't see the street below or trees beyond. my bedroom overlooks a little valley and a small ridge in which the sun makes its appearance in an array of splendor on cloudless mornings as these. there is a few moments when - even before you see the sun - the light begins breaks the darkness. the sunrise lasts for a fleeting few moments, but the breaking of the darkness occurs in an instant: in one breath, the night turns to day.

that
is my testimony.

i began attending my church as an act of refuge. i knew that in the midst of four thousand, i could easily escape conversation - and confrontation. i could blend in, keeping my head down and my mouth closed without any feigned facial expression or forced politeness. i didn't want to talk to anyone; i didn't want anyone to talk to me. i had lived a life behind a facade and once it was removed, i was no longer capable of fronting. i had not simply gone through a terrible place in my life, i was still very much at a terrible place in my life. i wanted everyone to leave me alone. frankly, i wanted God to leave me alone. i often joke that i chose the wrong church to facilitate that, but the truth is - the Lord was in a relentless pursuit of my heart and it wouldn't have mattered where i was. no more than Jonah could hide from the Lord in bowel of a ship, could i hide from His unwavering love; His constant calling.

it all seems like so long ago. distant and blurry memories of despair. the Lord lifted me up from the miry pit and set my feet upon His rock. my rescue - my redemption - in one moment forever altering the landscape of my life - and my heart. in that moment, He widened the gap between my past and my present, creating an impassable chasm. my past was not that long ago; but it is so far ago. so far:

"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." ~ psalm 103:12

there are so many people that the Lord has graciously supplied in my life during this season to walk alongside me - many of whom have only come to know me since He changed me. for so many years, God was simply a part of my life: compartmentalized; occasional; sporadic. i'd reference His name in conversation, utter it in haste at a meal time blessing. and while we all share as best we can the story of God's redemptive work in our lives, but when it comes down to the how and the why and the details of that moment of surrender in my life, i am at a loss for words.

it is the mystery and the wonder of a God who's glory our minds cannot comprehend. the power and wonder that we cannot ever fully grasp. in the way the sun arrives in glorious splendor each morning breaking through the night; He did that in my life. i do not know the hows or whys. i only know that for so long, i lived in darkness and in one breath, there was light.

in one moment, He was a part of my life and in one breath, He became my everything.

He is my everything!
He desires to be yours, too.

1 comment:

  1. Nadia! Again, I can relate! I love this. How about that? Going to church to get lost (in the crowd), but instead, you are "found" - Don't you just love the way He works?

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