Friday, December 5, 2008

the necessity of resolutions... and my home

i don't believe in new years' resolutions. i really don't. i never make any. i've always believed it to be another avenue leading to self-disappointment, writing checks to ourselves we can't cash, hoping the idea that a new year will somehow equate to a new beginning and well, you know. point is, i'm so overcommitted in recent weeks that my skin is becoming transparent from stretching myself so thin. i've already been to two christmas parties this week, the kids and i have two birthday parties to attend on saturday, i'm hosting a christmas party for another one of my *annual* groups of girlfriends/former coworkers and the icing on the proverbial cake: my dad called yesterday to tell me he's coming for a weekend visit. today.

combine this with the incessant vacuuming that is occuring in my house that is completely covered in magic elf snowflakes and that, my friends, is a recipe for suicidal idealizations. my new year's resolution is simply to stop overcommitting myself. it's not that i can't say no. i have no problem saying no to crap i don't really want to do. i am, however, obviously incapable of knowing when to say no, of having to prioritize all the things i want to do, or would like to do. at 32, i'm having trouble admitting to myself that i really can't do it all. working part time and having two preschoolers is the equivalent of two full time jobs. maybe three. i'm no longer worried about the effects of a stressful [social] calendar on my physical health as much as i am worried about its effects on my physical appearance. i'm finding gray hairs. daily. and wrinkles. daily. i can hear the voices in my head, "have you seen nadia lately?.. she looks so.. so.. haggard."... "so tired". i don't have the money for botox and hair coloring, kids. i have got to slow down. i think there is a reason that my "life verse" is psalm 46:10 (Be still and know that I am God.)... the Lord knows that verse is the exact opposite of my own nature.

all that to say, my house will probably never be as clean as it is today and so provides the perfect opportunity to share my home with those of you who have not seen where i live.

[oh, and very special thanks to my friend, stacy, for hooking me up with the replacement glass for my coffee table.]

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