crashing down.

"Do not give a war cry

Do not raise your voices.

Do not say a word until the day I tell you..."

~ Joshua 6:10

All throughout scripture, we see the wisdom of God opposing the logic of humanity - and for me, this is a daily source of encouragement, serving as a reminder that there are times - ok, all of the time - that I can't figure this life thing out on my own. No matter how hard I try. This morning I woke up desperately needing a word. A figurative - and somewhat literal - battle raging inside of me needed to be calmed. And through a passage I've read many times before, I was reminded that no matter what our situation or circumstance, He is both faithful and victorious. And there is a process in His victory that involves our listening, and trusting, and obeying - over and over and over again. Until we get it. Really get it. Until the walls come crashing down...

Joshua was promised the city of Jericho, a city that was "bolted and barred", allowing no one to pass in or out of its gates. Yet when God speaks this promise to Joshua, He speaks it in past tense: "I have given you the city... ". The promise of God was in direct opposition to the circumstance of Joshua's reality and yet, he didn't flinch... or doubt... or fear. God spoke His promise along with His instructions and Joshua simply acted. Immediately.  Not once, even for a moment, do we see Joshua doubt what God has said He will do or hesitate to do what God had called Him to do.

Oh, how I long to have that kind of faith. All too often I find myself sitting still, desperately trying to seek His hand in this mess of my life and all the while, He is desiring that I seek His face, believe His promise and obey His instruction. I'm two steps into the process when I begin wondering if I'm walking it out wrong, wondering why it's taking so long, wondering if I heard God fully, wondering why God couldn't act sooner, wondering what the heck He is doing, wondering where His hand is in all of this... until my wondering gives way into my wandering...

"We can't get so enthralled with seeking His hand that we forget to seek His face." ~ Pastor Blake Lindsey

I've always considered that the seasons of life in which we are waiting on God to act are those where He wants to teach us. But, this morning, I became convinced that it's about SO much more than learning to be still, learning to trust, learning to be content, learning to be obedient... It's about God offering us the opportunity to be intimately involved in the process of His victory and His purpose. Even if, during that process, we become fools in the eyes of those who are watching, even if we are seemingly marching around in circles expecting walls to come crashing down.  Expecting the impossible.  The improbable.  The implausible.  You know, He doesn't need us to help Him along with His plan - not His plan for our own individual lives and not the one for His redemption of humanity.  No, He offers relationship with us because we need Him - and in the midst of that process, the fulfillment of His ultimate will - that we experience His presence, His peace, and His power.

I imagine the Israelites rising up to march daily, not having heard directly from God, but from Joshua - and trusting. Day after day, step after step, they persisted in something that made absolutely no sense. In complete silence. All the while staring at the giant stone walls surrounding the city that God had promised to give them. A city that was bolted. And barred. Impenetrable... Much like our human hearts. But God is faithful and in His perfect timing, through a means that defied human reasoning - and all military intelligence - God did what He does best - what He desires to do in us: the impossible.

"Some trust in chariots. Some trust in horses.

But we, Oh God, we trust in your name alone."

Psalm 20:7

Oh Lord, help me continue marching until you say stop. Until the walls come crashing down. Until I see your promise fulfilled.

In Honor of Bronner

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;

he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Psalm 34:18

Every January, I typically repost a blog that I wrote in honor of Bronner Burgess. This January would've been no different… if only I’d had the time. Being a full-time working mommy has greatly reduced the amount of time that I can do anything other than what that title encompasses: working and mommying. Each night when I tuck my kids in, I routinely cup their little faces in my hands and say, “just let me look at your face”. I try to snap a mental polaroid of their expression, their giant brown eyes and sweet little noses and still-rounded cheeks. Even though I lament that they are growing too fast, I cherish that they are growing, that I have the amazing privilege of watching them grow and that God somehow found me worthy of entrusting me with these precious gifts.

All that to say, the life and death of Bronner Burgess is never far from my heart, even on the days and months when it is far from my mind. The Lord used it in such a way that it became a catalyst of spiritual markers on my path through life, ultimately leading me to surrender my life to the Lord. As years have passed, the memory of that marker has become woven into the fabric of my life. A thread, like so many of the others, that God is carefully knitting together to create something that is beyond what my earthly eyes can see. I see the backside of my tapestry and frankly, it just looks like a hot tangled mess to me…

I work in an office building in close proximity to the Rick & Bubba studio. From time to time, I see them walking through the little plaza of restaurants during lunch. Last Thursday, I ran over to one of said restaurants in the middle of the afternoon to refill my giant mug of diet barg’s root beer and when I left through the side door, I literally ran right into them. Before my brain had time to tell my mouth to speak, my heart had already given the instruction. I heard myself say, “Rick, I’ve never had the opportunity to speak to you in person, but I just want you to know that my relationship with the Lord would not be what it is today if it weren’t for the words that He spoke through you at Bronner’s memorial service. I have a little boy who was close in age to Bronner and that is one of the things God used to break my heart and draw me to Him.” Tears were brimming my eyes and theirs. He thanked me and assured me what encouragement it was for his heart to hear those words.

I walked away, head finally catching up with heart, I thank God for the opportunity to share that. I was instantly reminded of how he directs our path and ordains our steps, every single one. It wasn’t until the next morning that I was reminded about my post about sweet Bronner. The one that I repost every year. Every January. Wait. Had I missed it? What day was it? Today was the 20th, yesterday was the 19th… I’m talking out loud, searching my blog on my phone when I read the date: January 19th, 2008. The day before, the day that I had completely randomly ran into Rick Burgess and blurted out those words to him, had been the anniversary of Bronner’s death and I’d had no idea…

as David Platt has so often reminded us: He has this whole thing rigged. And I, am in humbled awe of His provision and His sovereignty.

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january 2011: i wrote the following entry in january of 2009. prior to surrendering my life to christ. prior to my baptism and public profession of faith that would come later that same year. the tragic death of a baby boy that i never even knew became a defining moment that God used to shatter my heart of stone and bring me to His arms. three years later, i remain in bewildered awe of how the Lord continues to use bronner's precious little life and tragic death to bring glory [and hardened hearts] unto Himself.

january 19, 2009: today is the one year anniversary of the tragic drowning death of bronner burgess. i, of course, never met bronner. admittedly, i am also not - and never had been - an avid rick and bubba listener or fan of their radio show. nonetheless, the death of bronner was and is deeply personal for me, having sparked the beginning of what would become a much deeper [although no less rocky] walk with the Lord.

my sweet parker and bronner were just a few months apart in age. at the time, i had been living alone and consequently, suffering from panic attacks for well over a year. i was also having the same horrific, recurring nightmare in which one, or sometimes both, of my children were drowning and i was always completely helpless to save them. i was sitting at the kitchen table that afternoon, perusing the news on al.com when i saw the headline.

the news of bronner’s death shook me to the core and it made me examine my own life and my own faith or rather, lack thereof. i found myself asking all of the questions that, in our humanness, naturally follow tragedy. questions like: why God would allow it; how his parents, especially his mother Sherri, would survive it; how would they go on with their lives, etc. it is the questions we all ask when sharing in the silent grief of an unspeakable loss.little did I know at the time that all of these questions would be answered through bronner’s very own father at a public memorial service that was broadcast on their show later that week.

rick burgess stood, less than three days after his baby boy had tragically drowned, and the words that flowed from his mouth were [and still are] undeniably supernatural. i have been in (and sometimes, out) of church services most of my life. i have attended a plethora of “conferences” and “retreats”, read countless books, participated in various bible studies and nothing, absolutely nothing, even comes close.

i accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior as a teenager. i was 15. i had walked the aisle, prayed the prayer, joined the local church - but for the 16 years following, i had tried and failed more times than i can count to "get it right" or to "get my life right" with God. there was an ambiguous disconnect between knowledge of Christ in my head and love for Christ in my heart. my wake up call came through the tragic death of this precious toddler that I never even knew.

the words that God spoke through the faith of William Bronner Burgess’ father, Rick, spoke to my heart like nothing else i have ever heard and in those moments, i could literally feel the gap between my head and my heart being bridged, forever altering my relationship with Christ. the tears were coming so hard and so fast, i was standing in my bathroom, holding my hair back, letting my tears pour out into the sink.

sixteen years of trying [and failing] to change myself... and then, i understood. it was never something i could have done on my own.

i would like to blog on about how perfectly i have walked in my faith since that day and consequently, how perfect my life has been. unfortunately, that is not the case. nor should it have been my expectation. modern day prosperity gospel aside, scripture is clear that, "...in this world you will have trouble..." (both self-inflicted and not) but take heart, for there is One who has overcome the world.

the apostle Paul wrote about the hypocritical Pharisees being “whitewashed tombs” which were beautiful on the outside, but filled decay on the inside. for so long, i had been a whitewashed tomb, clothed in some self-righteous form of religion and an array of materialism; clinging to worldly possessions, worldly behavior and a heart full of judgmental criticism. it was a heart that my own rebellion had left hardened. and it was a heart that the death of this child would leave broken, allowing God to move in.

if you have never heard the message from bronner's memorial, you can find it here: Bronner Burgess Memorial.

regardless of where you stand in your own personal beliefs, this message of hope is for everyone and if nothing else, answers the curiosity that lies in all of our human hearts about life, death and unspeakable loss... and One Great Love.

hope begins. again.

Every now and then I begin to write a blog only to find that before it moves from conception to completion, someone else has written it for me. God has spoken the same truth to someone else's heart and sent it to me. Via email. How convenient. Perhaps because He knows I'm pressed for time or wrought with doubt and fear. Perhaps before I sat to write it, I would've began to doubt that He spoke it and before that transpires, an email forwarded to me from a friend becomes a confirmation to me from the Lord.

That very thing happened this morning and though these words are not my own, they are deep within my heart, the words I would've sat to write myself about this new year - and this new hope...

"Then Job replied to the LORD: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.' ...My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." Job 42:12, 5 (NIV 1984)

Sometimes I don't fully trust God has prepared good things. For me, for family, for friends, for others.This past year was riddled with home foreclosures, loss of businesses, empty cupboards and gas tanks for those I love. They've faced suicide attempts, drug overdoses, passing of loved ones. Family and friends alike have endured marital affairs, children sentenced to jail, a second year of unemployment, cars breaking down, churches falling apart and the list goes on. I'm not sure He can redeem the pain, recover what's lost, heal all that's broken. Can He truly fit the pieces of this past year into a hopeful future? Right now, circumstances suggest otherwise. And if I rely on what circumstances currently imply, I'm apt to believe the answer is no, the Lord is not able.

But circumstances tell tales that are prone to change in a moment. And the truth of the matter is: God never changes. His power to give a future and hope never change. His Word never changes. So when life weaves stories of doubt and hopelessness in God's authority over circumstances, I reread accounts of His faithfulness and redemption. I refer back to the Truth...

All the while Job's family, home, crops and health demolished... God was preparing to give him double of what was killed, stolen, lost and damaged.

The time Joseph was a slave and prisoner... God was planning for him to be second in command over Egypt.

When Ruth was a homeless, barren widow... God was creating a home in Boaz's heart for her to be a wife, and mother, and great, great, great-grandmother to His Son.

As Lazarus was bound in grave clothes... God was forming the breath that'd give him new life.

The moment David laid down in adultery... God was laying the groundwork for him to rise up in repentance.

Every time Saul crucified Christians... God saw Paul preaching the crucified Christ.

With each strike that Sarai beat Hagar with... God saw Sarah beating her jealousy, pride and doubt with the birth of Isaac.

When Esther was an orphaned girl shaking in fear for her life... God made a way for His daughter to shake a kingdom and save His people.

As Rahab welcomed men into the shelter of her bed... God saw her sheltering the spies on her roof.

When Peter lost faith and denied Christ... God saw him bringing many to faith as he proclaimed Christ.

As Moses killed an Egyptian with his hands... God saw him chiseling the Ten Commandments with those same hands.

At the time Mary saw Jesus die... God saw Jesus resurrected and seated on His heavenly throne!

No matter what the dire, dreary circumstances, God turned each into a hopeful future.

Our key verse assures us, none of His plans can be thwarted. Despite what is happening in life, these stories of redemption and hope speak the truth. God can and will reverse, restore, revive and renew. He sees beyond the present troubles and is sparking a fire to light up the future with hope.

As we begin this New Year, let's be on the lookout for His plans to come to pass. And trust Him that He can take any circumstance and use it for our good and His glory.

Dear Lord, I'm so grateful You not only see my future, but You've planned it. Thank You for Your faithfulness last year. And for recording these stories of lives You turned dreary pasts into hopeful futures. I ask that You do the same for my circumstances this New Year please. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

~ Samantha Reed (http://samanthareed.org/)

we love.

We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:19

Our church provides these little cards as a way to connect the love of God to simple acts of kindness: leaving an extra tip for a server; paying for the meal or the cup of coffee for the person behind you in the drive through line; sending a note of encouragement, etc.

I picked up a fresh little stack of the cards after service last Sunday and left them sitting out on the console of my car. A couple of days later, I randomly decided at the last minute to swing by Starbucks on my way to work. Sitting in the line, I (prayer-lessly) glanced down at my little stack of cards and picked one up. I then, almost instinctively, peeked in my rearview mirror. A man, not much older than me, was pulling up behind me in a large, shiny SUV...

And here is where this story goes (even more) ridiculously, sinfully wrong: In that one UN-spirit-filled moment, I completely judged the internal needs of another human being based solely on the presentation of his external appearance. I never even consulted the Lord.

I'd like to say I was wholeheartedly convicted in that moment just in time to redeem myself, but I wasn't. I simply put the card down, paid for my drink and went on my merry way not thinking about it again. In fact, it was several days later that the Lord convicted my heart about it. My next trip to Starbucks was more intentional - I prayed during the drive that the Lord would send whomever He wanted behind me in line that morning and that it would be someone who needed a small act of kindness and a reminder of His love for them. I didn't pray or even wonder about what kind of car this person would drive or what they would look like...

I suddenly envisioned myself in someone else's rearview just a few short years ago. No one would've ever glanced up and thought I needed help of any kind. And then it hits me: The time in my life when it appeared that I had the most was the time in my life when I was the most empty and the most desperate for Christ.

As believers, especially those of us who live in the comforts of middle class suburbia, we are all longing to reach the unreached, longing to serve the underserved, the needy and the poor, but I am wholeheartedly convinced that some of the most needy people within our reach are those in our own back yards, within our gated communities, next to us in the grocery store line or even behind us in the Starbucks line. In our humanness, we are so easily prone to fall into the trap of erroneously using socioeconomics as a gauge for spiritual depravity.

I may have missed an opportunity to share with someone that morning, but the Lord did not miss the opportunity to teach me an invaluable lesson based on the truth of his word: Truly, "the Lord does not look at the things that man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." ~ (1 Samuel 16:7) We divvy ourselves up according to our status and lifestyles and zip codes and all sorts of things that the Lord does. not. even. see.

Step out on the busy street.

See a girl and our eyes meet.

Does her best to smile at me.

To hide what's underneath.

There's a man just to her right,

Black suit and a bright red tie.

Too ashamed to tell his wife

he's out of work, he's buyin time.

Are all those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?

I've been there a million times.

A couple of million lives.

Just movin past me by,

I swear I never thought that I was wrong.

But I wanna second glance so give me a second chance

to see the way you've seen the people all along.

Give me your eyes for just one second,

Give me your eyes so I can see,

Everything that I keep missing,

Give me your love for humanity.

Give Me Your Eyes lyrics, Brandon Heath

Oh, Lord, give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me your love for humanity!

seasons change.

"You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy."

Psalm 16:11

I've always said that I believed the climate of heaven will be sunny and sixty-five degrees. Every single day. You know, forever. A heavenly, paradoxical combination of both eternal spring and eternal fall. I don't imagine that I'd long for the seasons, even my favorites. I imagine that blooming flowers and falling leaves would go unnoticed in the very presence of God. Here they give us a glimpse of His glory; there we will live in the midst of His glory. (Lord Jesus, come quickly).

Some days, I am homesick for eternity. The place where every path we set foot on is the right one, leading to the Father; where there is no more wandering, no more wrong turns, no more painful detours; where He will "wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain". (Revelation 21:4) That verse has always been a comfort to me in times of tragedy, loss or witnessing the needless suffering of others. But tonight, it struck me that the verse says "every" tear. Every single one. Tonight, I am reminded that He "keeps track of all my sorrows. He has collected all my tears in His bottle. He has recorded each one in his book". ( Psalm 56:8) The sorrows we have no control over - and the ones we inflict onto ourselves. He collects the tears we cry in sorrow, the tears we cry in regret, the tears we cry in repentance, the tears we cry in frustration, the tears we cry in disappointment - in every situation and in every season...

From where I am standing, the landscape surrounding my path looks vaguely familiar. It was in 2009 that the Lord changed the direction of my path and of my life (and consequently, my blog). Two and a half years later, I expected to be so much farther from the place where I began, so much farther from who I had been and so much closer to who He longs for me to be… Oh, I could write paragraphs of analogical comparisons about where I went wrong… misleading signs, broken compasses, meandering detours, curious wandering. The truth is that when you combine the strategy of the enemy with the sinful nature of our hearts, you have a recipe for… lostness. Thankfully, we have a shepherd who "leaves the ninety-nine to go and search for the one who is lost" (Luke 15:4). I believe with all my heart that verse applies to those of us who are His children as much as it does to those who have yet to hear or believe in His name. And so it is not with great disappointment, but rather great relief, that I find myself where I took my first steps on this journey - because it is with Him and if lacking so much else, in the fullness of His presence.

Looking back, I am so grateful that I was moved to write down what the Lord spoke directly to my heart - I am so grateful that He knew I would need it now, perhaps even more than I did then. One year ago, almost to the day, I was struggling with the direction of my life, absolutely crippled by the fear that I would continue to take wrong steps, choose wrong paths. I couldn't trust myself and frankly, I was having difficulty trusting God. I attended an incredible retreat at my church over that weekend called "Life" that is based around John 10:10. It was days later before I could even begin to put into words what God had spoken to my heart and what I had experienced. Rereading the words I wrote a year ago, I'm utterly convicted and confused about the path I have traveled since then, and am reminded of how completely dependent I am on His mercy and grace for the path that lies ahead....

December 18, 2010:

"Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death." - "But there is another kind of fear", the session leader continued, "which paralyzes us. It steals our joy and our peace. It keeps us from our calling. It causes us to stumble and fall short. This fear is not from God. For God did not give us a Spirit of Fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) Fear manifests itself as control. We attempt to control/demand our own way or we manipulate circumstances. On the outside, it appears strong; but on the inside, it is cowardly and fearful. It causes us to: badger and manipulate people; run ahead of God and not wait on Him. All that we hold on to keeps us from the abundant life in Him. It becomes a vicious cycle and we believe the lie that letting go will make things worse. But "His perfect love casts out all fear; whoever fears has not been perfected in love." (1 JN 4:18)

I had walked into the retreat praying that God would simply remove the unsettling in my heart; that He would calm my anxious spirit and remove the fears I had about the course of my life. Instead, the Word became a mirror in which I could see my reflection - the one that He sees: a woman living a life absolutely crippled by fear; a woman with a heart that was paralyzed by fear. A woman who had been living in complete denial; appearing strong on the outside but weak and crumbling and cowardly on the inside. I had continued to control and demand my own way, badgered and manipulated others. I had ran ahead of God instead of waiting on Him. Why? Because of fear; the terrified thought that He might not come through - that He wouldn't take care of me; that He wouldn't hold true to the promises of His word. "I am the One that you run away from out of fear, because you do not trust me. Whoever fears has not been perfected in my love. My desire is to perfect you in my love. Let me. Trust me."

Could it be that I left Him in the middle of that process? That He was perfecting me in His love and I foolishly turned my back and walked away? So many times I had felt that sense that familiar, ambiguous calling and so many times I had ignored it. I buried my face in my hands, thankful it was dark in the room, weeping. I could barely wrap my brain around what God had just clearly spoken to me. It was gut-wrenching truth that I had not wanted to accept or believe, but He had just made impossible to deny: I hadn't been honest with myself, with my God or with anyone else.

Between sessions, we prayed with an intercessor. I stood sobbing before a sweet, older lady - pointing to my heart, "crippled by fear", was all I could manage to say. She had prayed with me at an earlier session and knew that I was struggling with some doubt/fear about the direction of my life. She prayed for guidance and wisdom and then, mid-prayer, just looked straight into my eyes and asked me, "My child, what is the desire of your heart?". I shrugged. She continued praying, but the Lord continued pressing my heart with the same question: "My child, what is the desire of your heart? If I could grant the one deepest desire of your heart for your life and if you truly believed that, with me, all things are possible - anything at all - what is the one thing you would ask of me?".

He already knew the answer. He knew that I knew, too. After all, you know, He's God - He knows everything. But He also knew that I not dare speak it aloud. I confessed it silently, almost reluctantly, tears pouring hot and fast down my face. Silence. "Then why haven't you trusted in me to provide?" Before tonight, I wouldn't have been able to answer, but now I knew: "Fear", I answered, "fear that I will hold onto that desire and then be devastated if it isn't your will, fear that I will turn it into an idol and worship it instead of you, fear that I don't deserve your promises, fear that I will hope in you and be let down... fear, fear, fear."

There was another brief moment of silence. In hindsight, I envision a father taking in the words a child has just spoken before grabbing them up in His arms to comfort and hold. As so many times before, His answer was swift and thundering and came in a barrage of scriptures that were rooted in my heart and brought forth through His Spirit with more speed and accuracy than I could ever hope to replicate: "My child, I have promised you in my word that if you trust in me with all of your heart and not lean on yourself for wisdom and understanding that I will make this, your narrow path, straight. Delight yourself in me, truly delight, and I WILL give you the desires of your heart. (Proverbs 3:5-6 & Proverbs 37:4) Trusting in me fully means trusting that I will conform the desires of your heart according to my will and fulfill them in my timing, for my glory and for your good (Romans 8:28). I have not come for your hopes to be crushed, but for your heart to be healed so that IN ME you may have LIFE (John 10:10) and I will keep in perfect peace all who trust in me, all whose thoughts are fixed on me!" (Isaiah 26:3)

"Nadia, I have a plan for you, it is a plan not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future. You have called to me and come and prayed to me, and I have listened to you. You have sought me and found me because you have sought me with all your heart. I have been found by you and I will bring you back from captivity. I will rescue you and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you." (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

-----------------------

And that is exactly what He has done - carried me back to this place where I began.

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.

I will protect those who trust in my name.

When they call on me, I will answer;

I will be with them in trouble.

I will rescue and honor them.

I will reward them with a long life

and give them my salvation.”

Psalm 91:14-16

where are you Christmas?

"We love each other because He first loved us."

1 JN 4:19

I read an entry in my drafts from this time last year when, quite frankly, I was feeling a little more than disenchanted with the whole Christmas "thing". I had left it unfinished in my drafts folder, largely because it was still unfinished in my heart. I was rambling over how trite it had all become - how the baby in the manger was about as relevant as the elf on the shelf. I was still struggling with just what to do with Christmas, again, wrestling with the conviction over all of the compromise, pondering whether I should continue allowing a fictional Santa to share in the glory of my non-fictional Savior...

Over the past couple of years, since surrendering my life to Christ, I've often found myself struggling with how to live in this world and yet not be of this world - and I could feel that familiar twinge of conviction already creeping in after Thanksgiving this year. Fortunately, I stumbled upon the most precious blog that suddenly stopped my incessant fretting over what we would do with this daily chaotic Christmas season and had me praying simply, "what could we do"? Thankfully, lillightomine.com was full of practical ways that we could be intentional with daily sharing and giving and...

well, turns out, we're really good at making goodie bags...

Several boxes of candy canes and bags of Hershey kisses later, we we're armed and ready with our bags of treats that we would begin sharing every day for the month of December. And just like that, all of my fretting, all of the chaos and compromise of Christmas came together in one simple verse that would become the theme of our Christmas: "We LOVE... because He first loved us."

Parker couldn't wait to get started. Later that night, even though it was bedtime, he begged to go to the gas station - just so we could give the clerk a treat. I couldn't resist - and I really did need to get gas, so as I stood at the pump, he ran into the station. It was late on a weeknight and she was working alone. I watched through the window as Parker handed her the bag - he came running across the parking lot to me with the most joyful look I've ever seen on his face. Through teary eyes, I could see her looking out the window, alternating between smiling at us and looking back down at the little bag and then back up at us again, almost as if she were slightly, though joyfully, bewildered. "Mommy! I 'wove' doing this!" My five year old had made the connection of what it meant to "light up" someone's heart with kindness and said that it had lit up his heart, too. I told him that what he felt, that amazing joy in his heart, was from God - and in giving, in just one small act of kindness, God had used him to share His love and His joy with someone else. And that feeling, that inexpressible joy, is a gift... one that we are free to receive and share every day, in every season, through random acts of kindness.

And there, in that teachable moment, the Lord was teaching me a similar, invaluable lesson. Sometimes, I think way too hard and for way too long and worry way too much. There is a reason He desires us to maintain a childlike faith. There is so much freedom in the simplicity of doing the two things that Christ Himself said were most important: loving God and loving people.

When we do that, even in the simplest of ways, something very strange supernatural starts to happen: we suddenly stop seeing the absence of Christ in the midst of our cultural, consumeristic Christmas, and instead, we begin to see His presence - and the fruits of His Spirit - in everything - from the lighting of the tree, to the lighting up of hearts, and yes, even to the elf on our shelf.

He truly is the reason for this season.

"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.

To Him be the glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:36

over and underneath.

destin 4.2010

"My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.

I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.

It never ends."

Tenth Avenue North, Times Lyrics

when life seems sideways, upside down, or turned inside out, these are not just words to song. they are our God's words to us: "The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!" Lamentations 3:22-24